Performative Existing

Sometimes we do things because we want to, sometimes we do things because we must. For example, you may need to do a task at work that you don’t particularly enjoy, but you do it because it’s part of your job. Or perhaps you listen to a song you enjoy because you enjoy the song. Simple enough, right?

And then, there’s the category of things people do because they feel the need to display the act of doing it to strangers on the internet. This is a version of existing I call “performative existing”. For example, suppose you don’t enjoy museums at all, but you decide to go to a museum and take selfies to prove you were there just so you could post the photos to Instagram. You have to be seen to be seen.

In a normal world, if you don’t like museums, you wouldn’t go to one. But in the modern world people do a lot of strange things that they only do because they feel like the main character in their own TV show in which they need to perform for an audience.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. In particular, how much of what people do is for themselves and how much is for others. Are you taking that trip to that destination because you really want to, or because you want to be able to brag about having been there? Are you reading that book because you’re interested in it, or because you want to be seen as someone who reads books? Are you wearing that outfit because you like it, or because you want people to be impressed by your fashion sense?

I suppose we all do a bit of both. Sometimes we do things because we want our parents to be proud of us, or because we want to impress our friends, or because we want to be seen as a certain type of person. That’s not necessarily bad, but when I think upon why I’m doing any act, I try to ask myself whether I’m doing this because I want to, or because I’m concerned with how it makes other people think about me.

Writing this blog, for example: I write because I enjoy writing. I write because some people enjoy reading what I write, but generally speaking I don’t care so much about how many people read it. I write because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I write because I enjoy the act of writing, not because I want to be seen as a writer. I don’t even keep statistics on readers or web traffic to this site.

I am conscious of what I’m writing, and I’m conscious of the fact that I’m going to be judged for what I write, but I still try to write in the style of my stream of consciousness without too much filtration. I try to be candid, honest, and open in terms of the thoughts and feelings I share. I don’t try to do multi-dimensional chess in terms of writing to impress people or to make myself look good. I know that a lot of what I write is garbage, and I’m fine with that. Most of the swings you take will be misses, and that’s okay.

Let’s not try to pat ourselves on the back too much for doing things anyone can do, however. I suppose the point is that it’s good to consider why you’re doing something, who you’re doing it for, whether it’s actually worth doing, and who benefits. Posting your museum selfies to Instagram might make you feel good for 5 minutes when you get a few likes, but nobody will remember it in a week, and the main beneficiary is Instagram’s ad revenue from your contribution to its attention grabbing algorithm.