No Jerks Policy

Over the last 5 years of my career I’ve shifted my priorities in life. When I was younger, I was willing to deal with a lot of bullshit at work so long as they kept paying me a salary. Nowadays, I care more about my own happiness, and I’m not willing to work with people who are jerks.

Without going into too much detail, I’ll just say that I have quit several jobs over the years because I had to work with people who were unreasonable, uncooperative, impolite, engaging in bad behaviour, and so on. In some times this included the management all the way up to the CEO.

Subjecting yourself to abuse of any kind just for the purpose of obtaining a paycheque isn’t worth it. Life is short, and if you spend your working years miserable you’ll look back with regret on all that time wasted.

Employers, pay attention: having toxic people on your team does more harm than good, no matter how productive you may think they are.

The True Cost of Working with Jerks #

I’ve seen the cost of working with difficult people spill well past the office. It shows up a few different ways:

Physical health: This kind of stress follows you home. You sleep worse, stay keyed up, and eventually feel it in your body.

Mental well-being: Being on guard around difficult people is exhausting. Even when you’re not at work, you’re replaying conversations in your head or trying to come down from them.

Creativity and risk-taking: Around jerks, people become defensive and risk-averse. Innovation requires psychological safety—the confidence that you won’t be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, or concerns.

Contagion effect: Negative behaviors spread. I’ve watched teams start copying the same sharp elbows, or just go quiet and keep their heads down.

Recognizing the Warning Signs #

I’ve learned to spot the red flags earlier now, saving myself considerable grief. Here are some indicators that should trigger your jerk detector:

• They criticize people, not ideas
• They take credit for successes but deflect failures
• They communicate differently with those above and below them in the hierarchy
• They treat service workers poorly
• They use condescension as a defense mechanism
• They believe exceptional talent justifies poor behavior
• They consistently violate boundaries after being made aware of them
• They dismiss or trivialize others’ concerns

The worst ones are usually the people who’ve been rewarded for acting this way for years. By then they have a whole story ready about why being an asshole is somehow good for the company.

The “Brilliant Jerk” Myth #

One excuse I used to hear all the time was the “brilliant jerk”—the idea that some people are so talented their toxic behavior should be tolerated.

I bought into this myth for years, believing that certain individuals were irreplaceable despite their negative impact on team dynamics. I’ve since learned that this calculation is almost always wrong. Here’s why:

1. They cost the rest of the team more than they produce: Their individual output might look impressive, but if everyone around them is slower, quieter, or checked out because of them, that’s not a win.

2. Brilliance is rarely individual: Most complex work today relies on collaboration. Someone who suppresses others’ contributions might seem more productive simply because they’re taking oxygen from the room.

3. Organizations adapt: When a toxic high-performer leaves, something interesting often happens. Multiple people step up, knowledge gets shared around, and the team usually ends up less brittle than before.

4. True brilliance includes emotional intelligence: The most valuable contributors understand that how they deliver is as important as what they deliver.

Implementing Your Personal No-Jerks Policy #

Here’s how I’ve implemented my own no-jerks policy over the years:

1. Define your boundaries clearly

I’ve found it helpful to explicitly write down what behaviors I will not tolerate:

• Personal attacks or public humiliation
• Consistent interruption or dismissal
• Gaslighting or denial of reality
• Passive-aggressive communication
• Punishing honesty or vulnerability
• Chronic negativity without constructive intent

2. Trust your instincts during interviews

The interview process works both ways. I now actively interview potential managers and teammates as much as they interview me:

• “How does the team handle disagreements?”
• “Can you tell me about a time when someone on your team made a significant mistake? How was it handled?”
• “What happens when someone challenges an idea from leadership?”

Pay careful attention not just to the content of answers but to the emotional tone and non-verbal cues.

3. Create an escape plan before you need it

Having some cash set aside changes what I’m willing to put up with. I maintain:

• An emergency fund covering 6+ months of expenses
• An updated resume and portfolio
• An active professional network
• Awareness of the current job market

I don’t see that as disloyalty. I just don’t like being trapped.

4. Address issues directly when possible

Not all difficult behaviors come from irredeemable jerks. Sometimes good people have blind spots or are going through tough times. Before writing someone off:

• Provide specific, behavior-focused feedback
• Express the impact of the behavior
• Request clear changes
• Document these conversations

5. Know when to walk away

I’ve learned to recognize when a situation is unlikely to improve:

• When the problematic behavior is rewarded
• When leadership demonstrates the same issues
• When previous attempts at resolution have failed
• When the culture explicitly or implicitly endorses toxic behavior

In these cases, the most self-respecting choice is often to leave.

For Employers and Leaders #

If you’re in a leadership position, a no-jerks policy makes your team easier to keep together and easier to trust:

1. Prioritize cultural contribution alongside technical skills

Hiring processes should explicitly evaluate how candidates interact with others at all levels. Impressive credentials don’t compensate for toxicity.

2. Make respectful behavior non-negotiable

The moment you make exceptions for “high performers,” you’ve established that your values are situational. Be willing to let go of people who consistently undermine team dynamics, regardless of their individual output.

3. Measure the right things

Many organizations inadvertently incentivize jerk behavior by measuring only individual contributions rather than team outcomes. Consider how your metrics might encourage or discourage collaboration.

4. Model the behavior you expect

Leaders set the tone. If you want a respectful environment, demonstrate impeccable treatment of others, especially when under pressure or when you disagree.

5. Act swiftly on feedback

When you receive reports of toxic behavior, investigate promptly and take appropriate action. If people see leadership shrug this stuff off, they stop believing the nice words about culture pretty quickly.

The Long-Term Payoff #

Since adopting this approach:

• I’ve found teams where working together gives me energy instead of draining me
• I’ve built deeper professional relationships based on mutual respect
• I’ve done better work because less of my brain is wasted on interpersonal nonsense
• I’ve maintained better physical and mental health
• I’ve actually advanced faster in my career by being selective about environments

Life is indeed short. The average person will spend roughly 90,000 hours at work over their lifetime. That’s far too much time to spend with people who diminish your well-being and potential.

I don’t think it’s worth handing your time over to people who make your life worse. There are better teams than that.