Humility Is Less of Ourselves

We’re neck-deep in self-promotion and personal branding. You can see it most clearly in the rise of “influencers”—a term that says plenty on its own. A lot of them aren’t influencing much of anything; they’re just calling attention to themselves.

Consider this: when someone uses carefully curated photos of themselves on vacation to promote products, are they truly influencing, or are they themselves being influenced by sponsors? In many cases, they’re posting ads with their own face attached. The platforms and brands they represent are often the true beneficiaries of this arrangement.

Humility doesn’t work like that. It’s one of those virtues that loses its essence the moment someone begins to advertise their possession of it.

C.S. Lewis captured this paradox beautifully in his 1952 book Mere Christianity:

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody.

Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him.

If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

Lewis’s point is that humility looks a lot more like being interested in other people than putting yourself down. The humble person knows when to listen rather than speak. They ask questions because they actually want to know.

When I reflect on the people who’ve made the deepest impression on me throughout my life, they share this quality: they’re comfortable talking about themselves when asked, but they’re naturally more inclined to listen than to dominate conversation. Their focus extends outward rather than constantly turning back toward themselves.

This feels rarer now, when so much of life online nudges us to turn ourselves into a brand. Yet the most meaningful connections I’ve experienced have been with people who seem refreshingly unconcerned with how they’re perceived—people who are present in conversation rather than performing for an invisible audience.

And people like this often do end up carrying more weight than the ones chasing influence. When we encounter someone who truly sees us—who listens without calculating what to say next, who expresses genuine interest without ulterior motives—we tend to value their perspective more highly.

This doesn’t mean we should never share our experiences or insights. It probably means talking about ourselves a little less and paying more attention to what’s outside our own skin. True humility isn’t thinking less of yourself—it’s thinking of yourself less.

In a culture that celebrates visibility and self-promotion, listening more than you speak and resisting the urge to make everything about yourself is a small act of rebellion. It also makes for a better way to move through the world than endless self-promotion.

I’d take that over carefully managing how other people see me.