High Hopes, Low Expectations

Although I have written about this idea before, I feel like it’s one worth elaborating on. We live in an age of instant gratification, which I think leaves us often feeling underwhelmed. In most cases, this disappointment is due to our expectations being too high.

There is, of course, a simple solution to this problem: lower your expectations. On the surface you might think “but why should I lower my standards?”, and I’ll try to make the case for why you should.

When your expectations are low, everything is a pleasant surprise. You’re easily amused, and you’re grateful for the little things. When you expect the worst, you’re rarely disappointed. When you expect the best, you’re often let down.

Expecting less might seem like settling for mediocrity, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s more about being realistic and accepting that everything in our material world is imperfect, so much so that expecting perfection is a path to endless disappointment and frustration.

It’s a lot easier to be content with what you have than to strive for something that is either unattainable or unsustainable. This is not to say that you should never strive for greatness, but rather that you should be content with what you have while you work towards your goals. And it’s okay to have modest goals, too.

To what degree it’s the result of the Instagram/TikTok era we live in, I’m not sure, but I do think that we’re all a little too obsessed with perfection. We’re constantly bombarded with images of people living their best lives, and it’s easy to feel like we’re missing out. What people post on the Internet is generally the highlight reel of their lives, not the behind-the-scenes footage.

Mediocrity is also kind of great when you think about it. Think of it as the middle ground between the unobtainable (perfection) and the undesirable (failure). It’s the sweet spot where you can be content with what you have while still striving for something better, if you want.

In a hypercapitalist world, most of the messaging we receive through the various media outlets pushes us toward consumption and dissatisfaction. We’re encouraged to run the hedonic treadmill like a hungry bear is chasing us and the only way to escape is to buy more stuff and take more vacations (be sure to post the best photos, of course). To me this sounds exhausting: I just want to enjoy my life, spend time with my friends and family, and do work that I find meaningful.

It’s not about the stuff I own or the places I’ve been, but the relationships I’ve built and the memories I’ve made. It’s also about living in peace and being grateful for what I have. Learning to love yourself the way you are, imperfections and all, is a big part of that. That’s not to say you shouldn’t work to better yourself, but it’s really hard to be happy if you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’re not good enough.

Since I adopted the “high hopes, low expectations” mantra I’ve found that I’m a lot less outcome dependent. It’s much easier to practice detachment when you’re not overly invested in the outcome. It’s not about being disengaged, but rather about being realistic and accepting that most things in life are out of your control.

We have very little agency in life, and there are very few things that are completely within our own personal sphere of influence. The things we can control are how we react to the daily events, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves. Everything else is largely out of our hands. You can’t control what other people do or how they behave, but you can control how you react to it. You can’t control the weather, but you can control how you dress for it. You can’t control the economy, but you can control how you spend your money.

I may be beating a dead horse at this point, but I think it’s a message worth pondering. So perhaps the next time you go to a restaurant, don’t expect the best meal of your life. Instead, expect a decent meal and be pleasantly surprised if it’s great. If you go into a movie with low expectations, you might find that you enjoy it more than you thought you would. If you go on a date with low expectations, you might find that you have a great time.