High Hopes, Low Expectations

Although I have written about this idea before, I feel like it’s one worth elaborating on. We live in an age of instant gratification, which I think leaves us often feeling underwhelmed. In most cases, this disappointment is due to our expectations being too high.

There is, of course, a simple solution to this problem: lower your expectations. On the surface you might think “but why should I lower my standards?”, and I’ll try to make the case for why you should.

Research supports this approach. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who set lower expectations experienced greater satisfaction with outcomes than those with high expectations¹. Another study from University College London discovered that happiness depends not on how well things are going, but whether they’re going better than expected².

The Liberation of Lower Expectations #

When your expectations are low, everything is a pleasant surprise. You’re easily amused, and you’re grateful for the little things. When you expect the worst, you’re rarely disappointed. When you expect the best, you’re often let down.

Expecting less might seem like settling for mediocrity, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s more about being realistic and accepting that everything in our material world is imperfect, so much so that expecting perfection is a path to endless disappointment and frustration.

Psychologists call this “expectation management” — a mental technique that has been shown to reduce anxiety and increase satisfaction. According to research from Harvard Medical School, when expectations are managed properly, the brain releases dopamine not just when something good happens, but when something better than expected happens³.

The Social Media Perfection Trap #

To what degree it’s the result of the Instagram/TikTok era we live in, I’m not sure, but I do think that we’re all a little too obsessed with perfection. We’re constantly bombarded with images of people living their best lives, and it’s easy to feel like we’re missing out. What people post on the Internet is generally the highlight reel of their lives, not the behind-the-scenes footage.

The statistics are telling: Americans check their phones an average of 144 times per day — roughly once every 10 minutes⁴. A 2023 study from the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day led to significant reductions in loneliness and depression⁵.

Mediocrity is also kind of great when you think about it. Think of it as the middle ground between the unobtainable (perfection) and the undesirable (failure). It’s the sweet spot where you can be content with what you have while still striving for something better, if you want.

Escaping the Hedonic Treadmill #

In a hypercapitalist world, most of the messaging we receive through the various media outlets pushes us toward consumption and dissatisfaction. We’re encouraged to run the hedonic treadmill like a hungry bear is chasing us and the only way to escape is to buy more stuff and take more vacations (be sure to post the best photos, of course).

The hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation, describes how humans quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events. Research from Princeton University famously found that beyond an annual income of around $75,000 (adjusted for inflation, about $99,000 in 2024), additional income doesn’t significantly improve emotional well-being⁶.

To me this sounds exhausting: I just want to enjoy my life, spend time with my friends and family, and do work that I find meaningful.

What Actually Matters #

It’s not about the stuff I own or the places I’ve been, but the relationships I’ve built and the memories I’ve made. It’s also about living in peace and being grateful for what I have. Learning to love yourself the way you are, imperfections and all, is a big part of that.

Studies consistently show that practicing gratitude is strongly correlated with greater happiness. One study from UC Davis asked participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, a second group wrote about daily irritations, and a third wrote about events that had affected them. After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, and even exercised more and had fewer physician visits than those who focused on irritations⁷.

The Power of Detachment #

Since I adopted the “high hopes, low expectations” mantra I’ve found that I’m a lot less outcome dependent. It’s much easier to practice detachment when you’re not overly invested in the outcome. It’s not about being disengaged, but rather about being realistic and accepting that most things in life are out of your control.

We have very little agency in life, and there are very few things that are completely within our own personal sphere of influence. The things we can control are how we react to the daily events, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves. Everything else is largely out of our hands.

This philosophy aligns with ancient Stoic wisdom. Epictetus wrote, “Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”

Practical Application #

I may be beating a dead horse at this point, but I think it’s a message worth pondering. So perhaps the next time you go to a restaurant, don’t expect the best meal of your life. Instead, expect a decent meal and be pleasantly surprised if it’s great. If you go into a movie with low expectations, you might find that you enjoy it more than you thought you would. If you go on a date with low expectations, you might find that you have a great time.

By hoping for the best but expecting less, you create space for joy to surprise you. And in a world that often disappoints, those surprises might be exactly what we need.