Everyone Is Beautiful

There’s a subreddit called r/amiugly (as in, “Am I Ugly?”) where people post pictures of themselves and ask the community to rate their appearance. It’s a place where people seek validation, to be told that they are beautiful, or at least not ugly. It’s a place where people seek reassurance, to be told that they are not alone in their insecurities.

I’ve spent some time on this subreddit, and I’ve noticed a pattern. The people you mostly see are generally not ugly. Mostly, they are normal and skew young, presumably with low self-esteem. I find it fascinating because it’s an interesting window into the minds of people who are insecure about their appearance but–in most cases–have nothing to worry about.

In general, I think people are too hard on themselves. We are our own worst critics, and we tend to focus on our flaws rather than our strengths. We see ourselves in the mirror every day and become fixated on the things we don’t like about ourselves. We compare ourselves to others and feel inadequate. We see the flaws in ourselves, but we don’t see the beauty.

We also have a tendency to compare ourselves to unrealistic standards of beauty, such as those we see in magazines, movies, and on social media. These standards are not only unrealistic but often don’t reflect reality because the subjects and images are highly modified, edited, airbrushed, with ideal lighting, makeup, and so on. This type of photography is also generally inauthentic, as its purpose is often to sell a product or an image rather than to capture the essence and character of the person.

Authenticity is beautiful because it’s real, and when expressed, it’s an indicator of self-confidence and self-acceptance. To display your flaws demonstrates you accept yourself and are comfortable in your own skin. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

I do believe that most everyone is beautiful. In fact, I personally find the typical photography you see in advertisements or Instagram to be generally off-putting. I prefer candid, unposed, unedited, gritty photos of real people in real life.

A good photographer with a good eye and the right lens can make anyone look great with the right light. And as a corollary, bad photography can make beautiful people look terrible with the wrong light.

If you read the comments on the subreddit, you’ll find that most of them are generally positive. I think on average, most people are kind and supportive, but we tend to focus on the negative comments, particularly the trolls and haters. Sometimes we dismiss the positive comments as insincere or biased, even when they’re genuine.

Additionally, beauty is in the eye of the beholder: it’s largely subjective, and outward appearances are only one aspect of beauty. I have met plenty of people who look great in photos, but as soon as they open their mouths, they reveal their inner ugliness. Focusing on superficial beauty is shallow and likely to leave you feeling unfulfilled.

I have photographed many people over the years, and I’ve found that everyone has their best angles, their best expressions, and their best moments. And generally speaking, with the right lens and lighting, everyone can look great.

Comparison is the thief of joy, so stop comparing yourself to others. In particular, the people you see in ads or Instagram are not generally representative of reality. While these modelesque people may indeed be beautiful, you’re seeing them at their best, likely with some editing, and they too have their bad days, their own insecurities, and their own flaws.

If you’re curious, you can browse the subreddit yourself at https://old.reddit.com/r/amiugly/.