Being Right Doesn't Matter

One truth we all eventually have to face as we become fully formed adults (“grown-ups”) is that being right doesn’t matter. The only thing that really matters is appearances, being in the right place at the right time, and your connections.

This is an idea that has been floating around in my head for a while, and I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe it. To do so, I can only think in terms of storytelling so that’s what I’ll do.

Being Young and Dumb #

When you’re young, you think you’re smart but in fact you’re actually pretty dumb. It takes a while to get wise enough to realize how dumb you are. Some people are so dumb that they can’t even recognize how incredibly stupid they are. You may look at a tree and think “wow, that tree is super dumb!”, when in fact the tree is living a very happy life and simply operating at a different timescale. I don’t know of many trees that need therapy or medication of some form.

As a young dummy, I took pride in my clever ideas and smart solutions. I believed that technology would prevail, and the best ideas always won. It was not until many years later that I learned that this was not true. It turns out it’s not the best ideas that win, but rather the best marketing.

I spent (or lost) so much time in my life trying to prove how right I was, over and over. In nearly every case, it didn’t matter, because I focused solely on the proof and being right, and never bothered to worry about the part of winning people over. In the end, you are left with nothing but your correct ideas and few friends.

I’d argue, looking back, that it’s more important to keep the friends and have bad ideas.

Beauty Contests #

I think I’ve written about this idea of beauty contests before, as they relate to startups or the stock market (it’s not a new idea, I’ve never had an original idea myself).

The idea pretty much applies throughout life as well. It turns out, everything is a beauty contest (at least within human society). Little else matters but the public perception of your actions, not the actual actions.

To illustrate this, I invite you to look no further than the richest man in the world and one of the Internet’s darlings, Elon Musk. Elon has mastered the art of capturing the minds of those who can’t see past capitalist propaganda. He’s incredibly gifted in his ability to sell anything to anyone. He often makes bold promises, and people quickly forget the substance but remember the man.

These days Elon is little more than a celebrity car salesman and attention seeker, who has consistently failed to deliver on his promises but thanks to his ability to captivate audiences he has managed to overcome the usual market forces. Whether this is a good or bad thing, I don’t know, I just find Elon and his extreme bullshit to be an incredible case study.

So What About It? #

If I could travel back in time to advise my young self, I think I’d say nothing. In spite of this realization, the truth is that whatever steps I took before got me where I am now, and it’s not so bad.

Yes, I wish I could have done things differently. I wish I had bought more Bitcoin in the early days and held on to it. I wish I had stayed the full 4 years at Airbnb, and never met the clowns from Mesosphere/D2IQ. I wish I’d spent less money, saved more, and spent more time with friends.

Alas, humans operate on a timescale that doesn’t let us sit around, take it all in, and process it like the trees do.

The Graveyard of Correct but Failed Ideas #

History is littered with people who were right but ineffective. Consider these examples:

• Betamax vs. VHS: Sony’s Betamax format was technically superior to VHS in almost every way. The picture quality was better, the tapes were more durable, and the technology was more refined. Yet VHS won decisively because JVC, its creator, focused on licensing widely and making longer recording times possible—factors that mattered more to consumers than technical quality.

• Nikola Tesla: Perhaps the most famous example of being right but losing anyway. Tesla pioneered alternating current, wireless power transmission, and numerous other innovations that were decades ahead of their time. Yet he died nearly penniless while the more business-savvy (and sometimes ethically flexible) Thomas Edison became wealthy and famous.

• Climate scientists: For decades, they’ve been right about the trajectory of global warming, yet their correct predictions haven’t translated into timely action because they lacked the persuasive power to overcome economic interests.

I’ve personally experienced this dynamic countless times in my career. At one company, I argued persistently against a technical approach that I knew was flawed. I had diagrams, data, and logic on my side. I was spectacularly right—and completely ineffective. The project proceeded as planned, failed exactly as I predicted, and cost the company millions.

Did being right matter? Not at all. What would have mattered was if I had built better relationships with key decision-makers, framed my concerns in terms of their priorities, or found ways to demonstrate the risks more vividly. Being right in isolation accomplished nothing.

The Social Layer Trumps Logic #

What I’ve come to understand is that human decision-making has a logic layer and a social layer. The logic layer is where facts, evidence, and reasoning live. The social layer is where relationships, emotions, status, and identity reside.

We like to think that the logic layer is in charge, but in reality, the social layer almost always trumps it. This happens for deeply evolutionary reasons—our ancestors’ survival depended more on group belonging than on being factually correct about every situation.

This explains why:

• People maintain beliefs that are demonstrably false but reinforced by their social groups
• Companies pursue strategies that data shows are failing because they align with the CEO’s vision
• Politicians can succeed by being charismatic but wrong rather than correct but wooden

Learning to Play Both Layers #

The most effective people aren’t those who focus exclusively on being right or exclusively on being likable. They’re the ones who understand how to operate on both layers simultaneously.

This doesn’t mean abandoning truth or integrity. Rather, it means recognizing that truth without influence is often wasted. Some practical approaches:

1. Build relationships before you need them. People are more receptive to uncomfortable truths from those they trust and like.

2. Understand what others value. Frame your correct ideas in terms of what matters to your audience, not what matters to you.

3. Choose your battles. Not every hill is worth dying on, even when you’re right.

4. Tell stories, not just facts. Humans are wired to respond to narrative in ways they don’t respond to data.

5. Be willing to compromise. A partially implemented good idea is better than a perfectly correct but ignored one.

The Wisdom of Trees #

Coming back to the tree metaphor—trees don’t argue about who’s right. They don’t try to convince other trees of anything. They simply focus on growing toward the light, staying rooted, and persisting through seasons of abundance and scarcity.

There’s something profound in that approach. The tree doesn’t waste energy on being recognized as correct. It just quietly goes about being what it is, adapting to its environment, and thriving when possible.

Perhaps that’s the real wisdom here: recognizing that being effective matters more than being right, and that sometimes the most growth happens when we focus less on correctness and more on connection.

I still value truth and accuracy. I still believe facts matter. But I’ve learned that facts alone rarely change minds or situations. The human element—the relationships, the emotions, the timing, the framing—often determines whether a correct idea lives or dies.

So yes, if I could tell my younger self anything, it wouldn’t be which stocks to buy or which job offers to take. It would be: “Being right isn’t enough. Learn how people actually work, not just how they should work.”

And maybe, like the trees, I’d suggest taking the long view. After all, in the grand scheme of things, what matters isn’t being proven right in the moment, but whether your life grows in directions that bring you peace and connection over time.