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The Subtle Art of Genuine Self-Expression

·5 mins

Most of us experience life through the lens of social expectations—the generally accepted norms and implicit guidelines about appropriate behavior in various contexts. These expectations create an interesting intersection between societal ideals and our lived experience.

While many aspire to authentic self-expression, maintaining complete authenticity presents genuine challenges in a world that often incentivizes strategic self-presentation. Professional networking platforms exemplify this dynamic, creating environments where career advancement naturally encourages highlighting accomplishments and capabilities in ways that may sometimes diverge from more nuanced self-perception.

The Professional Self-Presentation Spectrum #

Platforms like LinkedIn serve specific professional purposes, primarily facilitating career development and industry connections. By design, these environments emphasize professional accomplishments and capabilities rather than the full spectrum of human experience. This focused presentation serves legitimate purposes—helping qualified candidates connect with suitable opportunities and enabling organizations to identify potential team members.

But LinkedIn is a weird place. The performative nature of the platform has created what researchers call “digital impression management,” where users carefully curate their professional personas. Studies examining impression management on LinkedIn have found that users often strategically present themselves to enhance their personal branding, sometimes at the expense of complete authenticity.1

While useful for specific professional objectives, such platforms represent just one dimension of our multifaceted lives. Recognizing their specialized purpose helps maintain perspective about their appropriate role in our broader social ecosystem.

For those finding certain networking platforms misaligned with their values, alternatives exist—from curating a more selective professional presence to exploring different approaches to career development. The key consideration involves finding approaches that align with your personal values while meeting your professional needs.

This exploration extends far beyond any specific platform, addressing the broader question of authenticity across various life contexts. Professional networking sites simply offer a clear illustration of the tension between strategic self-presentation and authentic expression that exists throughout much of modern life.

The Rarity and Value of Authenticity #

Genuine authenticity represents something truly special in both personal and professional contexts. The courage to express oneself honestly—appropriately calibrated to different relationships and settings—creates opportunities for meaningful connection that superficial interactions cannot match.

Research consistently shows that authentic relationships significantly impact our wellbeing. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed participants for nearly 80 years, found that the quality of close relationships was the strongest predictor of both happiness and health—far outweighing wealth, fame, or professional achievement.2 What makes these relationships so powerful? Authenticity plays a central role.

Understanding Authenticity Barriers #

What makes authentic self-expression challenging in daily life? The primary barrier often stems not from fear of truth itself, but from concern about potential consequences of transparency in various situations.

Consider a common example: when asked for an opinion about a friend’s new hairstyle that you find unflattering. In this scenario, many people choose supportive comments rather than candid assessment. This response typically reflects care for the relationship rather than deception—prioritizing the friend’s feelings over absolute candor in a relatively minor matter.

Under such circumstances, calibrating honesty to the context makes perfect sense. Few relationships benefit from unfiltered criticism about personal style choices, particularly when unsolicited or when the other person appears pleased with their decision.

Finding the balance between honesty and tact is a delicate art. Reading the room, knowing your audience, and being aware of the power dynamics at play are all important skills, whether you’re in a professional or personal setting.

Context-Appropriate Authenticity #

Professional environments present particularly nuanced challenges for authentic expression. Organizational hierarchies create situations where power dynamics naturally influence communication patterns. In these contexts, skillful communication involves finding ways to express important truths constructively while recognizing organizational realities.

However, friendship operates under different principles. While professional relationships necessarily include strategic elements, meaningful friendships thrive on mutual authenticity. Although no relationship requires absolute transparency in every moment, relationships built on consistent misrepresentation or fear-based communication rarely develop meaningful depth.

In the case where you want to provide critical feedback, to a friend or colleague, it’s more about how you say it than what you say. When it comes to receiving feedback, I prefer to hear it straight up, without sugarcoating, but I’m still human and I don’t always like what I hear. Learning to receive feedback graciously is a skill that takes practice just as much as learning to give it.

Authenticity as a Relationship Filter #

One of authenticity’s most valuable functions involves its natural filtering effect on relationships. By expressing yourself genuinely (with appropriate consideration for context and others’ feelings), you naturally attract people who appreciate your authentic self while creating distance from those who prefer performance over genuine connection.

Over time, this filtering mechanism creates a community aligned with your values and comfortable with appropriate honesty—a powerful foundation for meaningful relationships built on mutual understanding rather than managed impressions.

Finding Balance in Different Contexts #

The authenticity journey involves developing nuanced approaches for different contexts:

  1. Professional Settings: Finding ways to represent yourself accurately while recognizing organizational expectations and communication norms
  2. Close Friendships: Creating space for greater openness and honest exchange while maintaining appropriate care for others’ feelings
  3. Public Platforms: Determining how much of yourself to share in more public venues based on your personal boundaries and objectives
  4. Inner Circle: Cultivating relationships where authenticity flourishes, providing essential spaces for genuine self-expression

This balanced approach recognizes that authenticity exists on a spectrum rather than as an absolute state—a thoughtful navigation between genuine self-expression and appropriate social consideration that varies across different relationships and contexts in our lives.


  1. Paliszkiewicz, J., & Madra-Sawicka, M. (2016). Impression Management in Social Media: The Example of LinkedIn. Management, 11(3), 203-212. Link ↩︎

  2. Waldinger, R. (2017). Over nearly 80 years, Harvard study has been showing how to live a healthy and happy life. Harvard Gazette. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ ↩︎