Brenden Matthews

Sometimes we do things because we want to, sometimes we do things because we must. You might tackle that tedious spreadsheet at work not because you love Excel, but because it’s your responsibility. Or you might blast that 80s power ballad for the twentieth time simply because it brings you joy. Simple enough, right?

Although I have written about this idea before, I feel like it’s one worth elaborating on. We live in an age of instant gratification, which I think leaves us often feeling underwhelmed. In most cases, this disappointment is due to our expectations being too high. There is, of course, a simple solution to this problem: lower your expectations. On the surface you might think “but why should I lower my standards?”, and I’ll try to make the case for why you should.

Last January, I found myself trudging through slush-filled streets, my fingers numb despite gloves, mentally calculating how many more weeks until spring. A bitter wind whipped between Manhattan’s buildings, creating urban wind tunnels that cut straight through my layers. I don’t love winter. It’s certainly my least favourite season. While I grew up in a relatively cold place with an unpleasant winter, I wouldn’t say I’m better adapted to it than anyone else. I do, however, have an appreciation for the seasons and I try to (begrudgingly) enjoy winter just as much as summer.

A lot of effort goes into avoiding bad feelings. While uncomfortable emotions are generally unpleasant, focusing solely on avoiding them might miss the bigger picture. What if we focused instead on building resilience—the ability to bounce back from difficult emotions and navigate through challenging times with the same effectiveness as we do the good ones?

There’s a subreddit called r/amiugly where people post pictures of themselves and ask the community to rate their appearance. It’s a place where people seek validation, reassurance that they are beautiful, or at least not ugly. After spending time on this subreddit, I’ve noticed something striking: most people posting aren’t ugly at all. They’re generally normal-looking individuals who skew young and presumably struggle with low self-esteem. It’s a fascinating window into the minds of people who are deeply insecure about their appearance despite—in most cases—having nothing to worry about.